Can this week get any suckier?

Wow. It's been a horrible week.

My last call, not only did I get zero sleep, and had to do a spinal tap at 5:30 in the morning, post-call, but three patients died in 24 hours. They were all mostly expected but STILL. Then I just found out that another one of my patients died. That's 4 patients this week who have passed away, and 5 total for the month, and counting... since we have another 1.5 weeks left.

I don't even know what to say. Death is always hard. But when kids die, it's a whole different emotional rollercoaster. The scary part is that I didn't even once cry while it was happening. I didn't even really feel that sad. I was just so exhausted and almost relieved that it happened rather uneventfully. Not until I came home and said it aloud, did the gravity of what had happened, hit me like a ton of bricks. The weight that I had been carrying inside, that I pretended not to carry, just came crashing down and I cried myself to sleep.

The one highlight of this week is that our good friend from medical school is in town. We drove out to the airport area to have dinner last night, had a great meal, whereupon we gorged ourselves on great steak and strawberry shortcake... only to find out my car brakes had been destroyed somehow. I've never had my car actually break down, so I guess there's always a first time. and I shouldn't be surprised since I do drive a car that's almost 19 years old, but really? Did this need to happen this week?!?