already

I know it seems like yesterday when I was applying for residency programs... and literally, it was only 2 years ago. But the time has come for fellowship applications! What?!?!

This is crazy to me for several reasons.
1. I just went through the painful process of applying for residencies! I haven't fully recovered yet.
2. I just finished my first year of residency, aka internship! I haven't had time to really breathe, let alone think about what I want to specialize in for the rest of my life.
3. Applications now are for positions to start in July 2009! I don't even know what I'm going to be having for dinner tonight, how am I supposed to know where and what I want to be doing more than 1.5 years from now?!?!
4. I have absolutely nothing for my "Personal Statement."
5. I feel like I haven't done anything during residency (when would I have time?) to make me stand out as an applicant. I've just been in Survivor Mode this past year!

I could go on and on and on... I'm the only one from my year who's applying to heme/onc fellowships so I feel all alone. No one to empathize with me. No one to compare notes. But at the same time, no one to stress me out with the dreaded "How many interviews have YOU gotten?"

So yes... I'm applying now. I'm geographically-limited for where I want to go, so I'm really really keeping my fingers crossed that I'll match at a program in a city that I want to live. I have complete writers' block when it comes to my personal statement and I'm thinking about putting it off until I finish Step 3 but that's not for another couple weeks and I think I'm supposed to be getting my applications out soon... ahh.