I'm still alive
I know you had your doubts, but I'm still alive... we made it to LA just fine and then everything was so whirlwind... fellowship started... armand's job started... catching up with friends and family with the little time that I have.
I just finished up a week of being the inpatient fellow, taking care of the 15 or so hospitalized patients on the oncology service. It had its moments but overall, not as bad as I was thinking. but that's only because I was bracing myself for the worst... because this past month has been the most difficult month of my medical training, thus far.
Every day, I feel like an idiot. I just finished my pediatric residency, and after 3 years, even though I know there's still a lot to learn, I felt competent. and confident.
Now? Every day, there's so much that I don't know and the expectations are so much higher. So that's been hard... going from knowing a lot of general pediatrics, to knowing basically nothing in hematology/oncology. I know that's why I signed up for this fellowship, to be trained, and all, but it just doesn't feel that way when I show up to work.
The other challenging aspect is that the hospital I now work for is completely dysfunctional and the way our department is set-up, with all the budget cuts, etc., is also very dysfunctional. I can't even get started...
To say the least, I really miss Chicago and the University and all our friends back "home." It's been great to be back in LA, but I do miss Chicago a lot.
The good news that I got yesterday was that our paper has a conditional acceptance to our first choice journal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't believe it's true... I keep checking the email to make sure. :)
I just finished up a week of being the inpatient fellow, taking care of the 15 or so hospitalized patients on the oncology service. It had its moments but overall, not as bad as I was thinking. but that's only because I was bracing myself for the worst... because this past month has been the most difficult month of my medical training, thus far.
Every day, I feel like an idiot. I just finished my pediatric residency, and after 3 years, even though I know there's still a lot to learn, I felt competent. and confident.
Now? Every day, there's so much that I don't know and the expectations are so much higher. So that's been hard... going from knowing a lot of general pediatrics, to knowing basically nothing in hematology/oncology. I know that's why I signed up for this fellowship, to be trained, and all, but it just doesn't feel that way when I show up to work.
The other challenging aspect is that the hospital I now work for is completely dysfunctional and the way our department is set-up, with all the budget cuts, etc., is also very dysfunctional. I can't even get started...
To say the least, I really miss Chicago and the University and all our friends back "home." It's been great to be back in LA, but I do miss Chicago a lot.
The good news that I got yesterday was that our paper has a conditional acceptance to our first choice journal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't believe it's true... I keep checking the email to make sure. :)
posted by Vivian | 11:14 AM
1 Comments:
Oh God I just started my first clerkship in medicine (on week two of 10 now) and I also feel RETARDED every day that I walk in. Today one of my patient's died on me (palliative care, pancreatic CA mets to the liver), and all I could do was stand there like a log while he coded :P Boo. Just remember how much MORE you know than when you were a third year med student ;)
xx
A
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