small hassle to pay

i think it's a really big deal that even today, the tradition of the wife giving up her last name- the last name given to her at birth- and taking on her husband's last name, as an outdated symbol of ownership, continues to exist.

phew, that's probably a run-on.

but anyway. this is just my personal opinion and it's not that i don't "respect" other people's choices, but that's how i feel. why do we continue this "tradition"??? i didn't even think twice about keeping my own last name. not only does it make sense professionally, since i have a couple papers floating out there with my name, but i don't see why i should reinforce this clearly misogynistic tradition, just for the sake of being "sentimental/traditional." i'm also a staunch feminist and i feel like giving up my last name would be anti-feminist. just as becoming a stay-at-home mom would be. (this reminds me that in the current issue of Wellesley magazine, there's a whole article on stay-at-home moms who are Wellesley graduates and it's very thought-provoking... but bottomline, it's hard to reconcile being a feminist and being a stay-at-home mom. because really? why doesn't your husband be a stay-at-home dad??? anyway, topic for another day)

so yes. i'm keeping my last name. the reason why i started this rant, ahem post, is because last week, i booked a hotel on priceline for the Husband. i used my own billing information and my own credit card, and i don't remember seeing a place to put the name of the actual person who would be checking-in... so when i printed out the receipt this morning, i noticed that the Husband's name was no where to be found. just my name. so i called the hotel to make sure it wouldn't be an issue for the Husband to be the one checking-in this afternoon and they were like...

"well, as long as he has the same last name, it should be fine."

me: "well, no, we don't share the same last name."

them: "ok, the hotel computer system is down right now, but you'll need to call back and verify some information, and add your boyfriend to the guest list, if you want him to be able to check-in."

in my head: "didn't i just tell you it was for my HUSBAND. not boyfriend, just because we don't share the same last name."

argh. narrow-minded people!

as predicted

not to belittle any of the President's accomplishments thus far, but a little part of me laughed when i saw this article entitled "Clinton's mockery of Obama proves true." It's easy to sell hope from a distance, but not so easy in reality, to unite political divisions that have been present since the beginning of our country. i think someone is just starting to learn this.

surprise email

Yesterday, while having a crazy on-call day, I received an email saying that my abstract was selected for a "platform presentation" at the big PAS (pediatric academic society) meeting in May. I was surprised because I thought I was going to make a poster and stand by it while maybe a couple people come up to chat about my project. But now, I have to give an oral presentation during the session for "Medical Education: Curriculum" and have a Q&A session. I'm honored and excited, but really? TOTALLY stressed out.

Maybe this is a good sign that my paper will be accepted to our first choice journal...? Though, I did have a dream last week that it was rejected. :(

great food

happy belated valentines everyone.

friday was my first day of the new rotation. thank goodness for no more night shifts in the ER. my sleep cycle is STILL messed up. i'm really sick of waking up at 2am and not being able to fall back asleep. lucky for me, i'm on call tomorrow to cover for the interns who have a retreat this week. there's nothing like a 30-hour shift to "reset" my sleep cycle.

so i rushed out of clinic at 6:10pm on friday, drove home, threw on some jeans, and sped off to pick up my friend from a downtown coffee shop. this is Jamie, my old roommate from my month in Ecuador, back in 2003. the Jamie that got sick with gastro with me, after having a vegetarian pizza in Otovalo. the Jamie who speaks fluent spanish, is almost done with medical school, and is currently getting her MPH in michigan this year. she also knows our friend Adam who(m) i met down in Ecuador before he even started at the same medical school as me. so, it was a lovely reunion of sorts.

we dined at The Publican which is the coolest beer-hall type place in the warehouse district. my second time there. they had lots of good beer, i had wine, and we feasted on pork and chorizo, pork rinds, boudin blanc, and i can't even remember what else, except that it involved more pork. :) mmmmmmmmmmmm. afterward, we tried to go to a concert (some band from new orleans?) but found out it was sold-out so went to California Clipper to enjoy more cocktails and dancing. it was a wonderful night.

saturday, the Husband had to work (how can you say no to extra cash, even if it means spending valentines evening in the hospital?), so i went out with friends to Sun Wah BBQ. OMFG. the best roast duck i have EVER had. it was so tender and juicy, with crispy skin, all wrapped in a steamed bun, with the perfect sauce. i've had a lot of good meals in my lifetime, but this was definitely up there. we also had the garlic fried ribs (which you have to order beforehand bc it's not always on the menu), the peapod greens, fried rice (the most amazing fried rice ever!), butterfly shrimp, and soup. ahhh. heaven.

we finished up the night with drinks at bar deville, which is a new bar sort of in the vein of The Violet Hour, except not trying as hard to be a speak-easy. they specialize in good cocktails, have a photo booth, and great arm chairs, and booths. the crowd was a little eclectic and older maybe, but i think this place has great potential.

on sunday, we were supposed to celebrate valentines day by going to North Pond, except the Husband got sick and we had to cancel our reservations.

a most memorable weekend filled with friends and food.

coming up in the next couple weeks...

it's restaurant week and we're going to David Burke's Prime House.

The Publican is starting a brewmaster's dinner series and we're going to its debut of its own beer, brewed by Three Floyds.

obsessive tendencies

I have a few obsessive tendencies that many of you know about.

One is that once I hear a song that I love, I must keep listening to it over and over and over again. I will put a CD in and literally keep it on repeat for days, if not weeks...

My current obsession is Jason Mraz. His other songs aren't nearly as great, but "I'm Yours" is SO GOOD.

It's so light and happy and sweet.

Here are the lyrics.

"well you done done me in you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks and
now I'm trying to get back before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest and nothing's gonna stop me
but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
to win some or learn some
I won't hesistate no more no more
it cannot wait
I'm yours
Open up your mind and see like me
open your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart
and you will find love love love
listen to the music of the moment
people dance and sing
we're just one big family
It's our god-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved
I won't hesitate no more no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours
do do do do skooch on over closer dear
so I can nibble your ear
I'd been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirroe
and bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
and so I draw a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with teh seasons
It's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours"

news

Wow.

At our hospital, there have been slow changes that probably began about 3-4 years ago after a very influential administrator published an editorial in JAMA (journal of the american medical association) about the Urban Health Initiative. Long story short, the goals are to make academic medical centers highly subspecialized and to prop up community hospitals to make them capable of taking care of simpler, more straightforward general medical problems.

Bottomline, our hospital would like to change its "payor-mix" i.e. they want less patients on public aid.

I'm sure it's not all evil and I like to think that the implications of this ideology are way bigger than we can imagine right now... and we have yet to determine what its effects will be, exactly. Maybe it will be better for the overall community... or maybe it will be a lot worse. What we do know is that currently it is affecting the education of future physicians and is likely affecting the health of our immediate community in which we serve.

I'm a little surprised this hasn't gotten more attention in the media. I found this one article here that talks about how the economy has affected the hospital, most of which totally misses the boat because these changes have been happening way before the economy tanked.

The thing that hurts the most is that there are key people who fight for us, the training physicians. who fight for education. who fight for serving our community. And this past week, many of them have announced their resignation. Ouch. Sadness.

All I can keep thinking is... thank god we're leaving soon.

V for Vows

I'm still trying to recover from this nasty cold I caught in the pediatric ER. Yesterday was brutal. Hopefully the low-point. Today, I slept NINE hours straight and woke up feeling much better. A little dazed and confused about waking up at 2:30 in the afternoon, but hey. I take my sleep when I can.

I know we're running a little behind schedule but I've been thinking about thank-you presents for a few very special people who played important roles in our wedding, especially our minister and our photographer. I think I have a couple good leads.

but in the meantime, I thought I'd post our ceremony vows. I know this is totally out of order and not organized at all, but oh well.

We pieced together the ceremony ourselves from an outline that we got from our minister. We didn't want it to be overly religious as neither of us really prescribe to a particular religion. and we really wanted to avoid a lot of the traditional lines, like

"dearly beloved"
"to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part"
"kiss the bride"

etc. you've all heard it. We couldn't avoid it completely but we tried.

So basically we did a lot of online searching for ideas and quotes, and literally pieced together exactly what our minister will say, except for the section that she had complete control over, the celebrant's remarks. Here's what we ended up with.

INVOCATION:
As we stand here at the altar of life,
where life is touched by love,
and love by life,we share with these two
who are taking their marriage vows,
their newfound happiness.
We see the door open
for comradeship and mystery,
for growth and fulfillment.
So we pray that they may each bring
their whole and best self to the other.
May they bring intelligence as well as faith,
to the task that is set before them.
May they maintain enduring
trust and respect,
remembering that to understand all
is ever to forgive all.

OPENING WORDS:
Dear Family and Friends,
we are here to uniteVivian and Armand in marriage.
This is a time we set apart:
apart from the ordinary and routine;
apart from the ongoing rush of life.
This is a time set apart
in the lives of these two people:
a time for reflection and commitment;
a time for beginnings and promises;
a time of celebration;
a time which they have invited us
to share.
This is a place set apart
for the gathering of this unique
community of people:
a place of welcome and remembrance;
a place of witnessing and sharing;
a place of hope and promise;
a place in which we gather to celebrate
the now and the future
of Vivian's and Armand's lives.

AFFIRMATION: (*this is the part where I started breaking down!)
And so, now I ask: Armand,
will you have Vivian to be your wife,
to live together in marriage?
Do you promise to love her,
comfort her,
honor and keep her, in sickness and in health,
in sorrow and in joy, and be faithful to her,
as long as you both shall live?

And Vivian,
will you have Armand to be your husband,
to live together in marriage?
Do you promise to love him, comfort him,
honor and keep him, in sickness and in health,
in sorrow and in joy, and be faithful to him,
as long as you both shall live?

READING #1
Because by Steven Reiser

CELEBRANT'S REMARKS

VOWS:
Armand and Vivian, if you are ready to confirm this covenant,
please face one another,
join hands, and share the vows
which together you have chosen:
Armand, please repeat after me.
I, Armand, take you, Vivian, as my friend and love,
beside me and apart from me,
In laughter and in tears,
in conflict and tranquility,
Asking that you be no other than yourself,
loving what I know of you,
trusting what I do not yet know,
in all the ways that life may find us.

And Vivian, please repeat after me.

I, Vivian, take you, Armand, as my friend and love,
beside me and apart from me,
In laughter and in tears,
in conflict and tranquility,
Asking that you be no other than yourself,
loving what I know of you,
trusting what I do not yet know,
in all the ways that life may find us.

BLESSING OF THE RINGS:
As love (God) is a circle
whose center is everywhere and
whose circumference is nowhere,so let the seamless circle of these rings
become the symbol
of your boundless love.

EXCHANGING OF THE RINGS:
Love freely givenhas no giver and no receiver.
You are each the giver and each the receiver

Armand, as you place this ring on Vivian's finger,
please repeat after me:

Vivian, I give you this ring to wear upon your hand
as a symbol of my commitment and love.

And Vivian, as you place this ringon Armand 's finger,
please repeat after me:

Armand, I give you this ring to wear upon your hand
as a symbol of my commitment and love.

READING #2
Hand Blessing

BENEDICTION:
I now read an Apache blessing:
May you feel little rain,
for each of you will be shelter to the other.
May you feel little cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
May there be little loneliness for you
for each of you will be companion
to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there are three lives before you;
his life, her life, and your life together.
Go now to your dwelling place,
to enter into the days of your togetherness,
May beauty surround you both,
may happiness be your companion
to the place where the river meets the sun
And may your days be good,
and long upon the earth.

Armand and Vivian, as we near the end of this ceremony,
I share with you some parting advice:
Be humble. Be worthy. Be kind.
Remember that this commitment
is not founded upon marrying the right partner,
it's founded upon being the right partner.
Also, remember that this a journey during which "the little things"
turn out to be some of the biggest things.
Never get too old to hold hands.
and remember to say, "I love you" at least once a day.
Never take one another for granted,
instead nurture a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
Stand together facing life and let the circle of your love
gather in all of those whom you love.
Do things for one another,
not with an attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but with a spirit of great joy and appreciation.
Use words and a tone of voice
which reflect and demonstrate
true gratitude.
Retain the capacity - not to forgive and forget -
but to forgive and remember-
learning through recollection
never to repeat your mistakes
Nourish an atmosphere
in which each of you can grow,
creating a relationship
in which independence is equal,
dependence is mutual,
and responsibility is reciprocal.
Cultivate flexibility, patience,
and understanding,
Find room for things of the spirit
and remember to laugh,
as laughter heals!!

PRE- PRONOUNCEMENT:
And so, we have arrived at that moment!
or perhaps I should say "near" that moment
When we met together, I told you that your
ceremony would fly by in an instant
that it was really important to be "present" at your own wedding.
Toward that end and before you get swept up
into the dizzying excitement
of your reception
I ask you both to turn your heads
and look outward for a moment.
Stop, take a deep breath
and embrace the moment.
Take a long look around, a very long look --
(*I looked out and saw all these familiar loving faces, flooded with joy and love... it was overwhelming)

at everyone here
who knows you and loves you
and at everything you
see, hear, smell, and feel.
A wedding is about only one day
a marriage is about a lifetime.
Try to remember this moment
for the rest of your lives.
And now. we HAVE arrived
at that moment!

PRONOUNCEMENT:
Armand and Vivian
you have told me
and all of us gathered here today,
that you deeply love one another
and wish to live together now
seeking an ever-richer,
ever-deepening relationship.
You have formed your own union,
in friendship,
with respect for one another
and with love, and have publicly acknowledged
the same in our presence.
Therefore I, joyfully, acknowledge youhusband and wife!!
You may now kiss one another!

INTRODUCTION OF THE COUPLE:
Will everyone please join me
in officially beginning
this celebration as I say
It is with GREAT pleasure that I now introduce
and WARMLY congratulate Dr. Armand [his lastname] & Dr Vivian [my lastname]
united in marriage!!

... so I really didn't want to be introduced as Dr. but somehow I got convinced into doing it as the "formal" way. I know we worked hard to earn the degree/title and all, but it feels so "formal" and impersonal, almost. But it was the one and only place where I conceded.

There you have it. Our short but sweet ceremony. It lasted about 20 minutes and it flew by. but I like re-reading it. Brings me back to that day!

It's In!

The talk today went fine. There were about 15 people there. The dean of the entire medical school was there. Oddly supportive. I'm so glad it's over.

AND! the more exciting news is that we submitted our paper! I'm keeping my fingers TIGHTLY crossed that it gets accepted because we've worked so hard on it. Seriously. Blood. Sweat. Tears.

Well, not so much tears, but it's been a 3-year project. Things move slowly when you're a resident, working lots of hours in a week. It was starting to become a joke... like I'd be at my computer and the Husband would ask "what are you doing?" and I'd say "I'm working on my paper..." this went on for months. We would have a day off and he'd ask "What should we do today?" and my answer would be "I have to work on my paper..."

He started joking that I've been "working on that paper for over a year," and it's almost true! We finished data collection in May. I'm so thankful that I had last month as a free elective to just really sit down and polish it up. and I'm very thankful to all the people who helped me. It would be so exciting if it got accepted in our first choice journal. Everyone, keep your fingers crossed!!

karma?

maybe it's karma because I almost laughed at a patient.

but today is my Big Presentation, outside my department. I've been preparing for this for months. and working myself up, getting way too stressed out about it.

yesterday, I woke up with a little tickle in the back of my throat. by last night, I felt terrible- muscle aches, congestion. and now, I'm definitely sick with a cold I'm sure I caught from some snotty kid in the ER last week. I feel like crap. at least I have an excuse if my talk is not good, right? right?

I'm a terrible person

In the ER last night... we had a morbidly obese teenager who was complaining of abdominal pain, burning in her chest, and vomiting. She clearly had GERD ("heartburn") and possibly an ulcer, definitely made worse by her weight. (not to mention noncompliance with the medication her pediatrician had already provided). So I'm taking a diet history and she drinks lots of "pop," two bags of Flamin Hot Cheetos every day, and too many to count cups of red Koolaid.

When asked "what do you think might be causing your stomach ache?"

She answered "maybe I'm not eating enough?"

I almost LOST IT.

I had to pinch myself to keep from laughing out loud. Poor girl.

I think she answered that because her pain is indeed relieved with food, which could go along with an ulcer. So I guess her answer was pretty insightful in a sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a place to live...

I know it's only February and we're not moving until the end of June, but I'm anxious about finding a nice place to live in Los Angeles. I've been pretty spoiled by the apartment I currently live in. It's in a safe area, walk-able distance from the hospital, lots of easy street parking, and large enough for all the junk we collectively own. We even have a pantry! I've been here for almost 6 years.

LA is a littttttttttttttle pricier. Major factors that affect where we live will be:

proximity to the hospital (though who knows where husband will end up working)
good location where we can avoid traffic (yes, this can be done in LA)
affordable, especially since we're on the waiting list for UCLA housing (which I'm told there's a good chance we can get, and if we're not going to take it, I have to have a good reason)

So... I've been browsing craigslist. Ideally, I would like to live in a 2-bedroom apartment with hardwood floors, at least 1 parking spot, either in West Hollywood or Beverly Hills adjacent. These areas seem like they would be fun, and close to UCLA but not TOO close to UCLA, and also near my parents and sister.

Here's the other major factor... while I can't imagine living with my parents, after more than 10 years of being out of the house, they happen to be building their "dream house" in a dream neighborhood. Needless to say, there will be lots of room for the WHOLE family and free rent.

old house:

new house:

in the meantime, I'm finding that craigslist has apartments that are clearly out of our price range. two bedroom apartments for over $2,000. i have found a handful (literally less than 5) of possibilities that actually fit our criteria, but obviously now and may not be available for June. so the search continues...